Poor decisions and shattered lives

Some of you will remember the paragraph I wrote in a blog posted June 2 about the “Miss TNS” program I helped to judge at the nursing school right next to the hospital.  The winner of that Miss TNS was a bright, promising young woman who was looking to lead her friends and classmates through their final year of nursing training.  We all had high hopes for her.

Unfortunately, we learned recently that this young woman had been arrested – having been found in a motel room with a married man.  The young man, D, is married to one of the women, B, who works for the missionaries as a house-helper.  D and B have 2 lovely young daughters.  When family and friends tried to ask D why he was interested in this other girl (nursing student), he just said “Everyone is taking a second wife – why shouldn’t I?”.

It is unfortunate that many men in Nepal still take a second “wife” – even though it might not be strictly legal anymore.  We don’t understand – we have known B for many years, and she is a happy, loving person who has always been the kind of person who you would hear before seeing – and what you would hear was her wonderful laugh.  She will now have to contend with a husband who splits his time between her and the girls and his other wife.

Another thing we don’t understand is that the nursing student’s mother actually took her and D down to a Hindu temple and had the marriage ceremony performed.  Why would she support this for her daughter?  And – now the young woman has lost her spot in the nursing school – only months away from graduation.  She will have to start over again in order to learn a skill to find work.

B, with the 2 girls, is living in the same home with her in-laws.  We also heard that the mother in law encouraged her son, D, to take another wife.

So – we see B now – whose bright spirit is somewhat dimmed these days, but who is trying to hold on to her faith in God.  B is a believer, and has been for many years.  What was her poor decision?  To marry a non-believer.  For her husband, D, there doesn’t seem to be a problem with the 2 wives as he is following something in the culture as opposed to trying to live as Jesus would like.

The longer we are here, the more we realize we don’t understand.  This continues to bring us to our knees – and to be even more thankful for those of you who continue to pray for us against the darkness still found in this land.

We also pray for you and for our home country.  It is easy there, as well, to follow the culture instead of the way of our Lord.  Keep the faith!  I was reading in First Corinthians in the Message the other day, and this verse struck me, “Forget about self-confidence; it’s useless. Cultivate God confidence.”  Thanks for taking time to read our thoughts.

B - in a happier moment


B in a happier moment – the house-helpers were gathering for a farewell party and B  won our game, “Pin the tail on the water buffalo”!


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6 responses to “Poor decisions and shattered lives

  1. Peter A Block

    Dear Les and Debbie,

    Thanks for sharing this story. Yes it is hard to understand, but as you challenges us all we too need to make sure that we follow Jesus and not our culture. God bless you both as you are salt and light in Tansen.

    Peter and Arlene

  2. Imogene

    What a sad story.

    • Risto and Martje Gobius

      Thank you, Debbie. So sad, sad, sad. We will pray for B and the children, that she may hang on the her faith and that her example will help D to turn around and repent sincerely. Something similar happened during our early time in Tansen, except that ‘he’ was a Christian and told everyone ‘
      “that they had married on the mountain in the sight of God and that made it right’. The church took another view, however………. .
      Lots LOVE, Risto and Martje..

  3. Cousin Elaine

    Yes, some things are so hard to understand!

  4. Sarah Acland

    I’m sure the mother in law pushed for this so he would perhaps father sons, since so far there are just the 2 daughters. It’s a different scale of values, based on a very poor view of the value of women!

  5. Margaret Fain

    Again, we should never place too much confidence in humans. We all fail without a leader such as Jesus in our consciousness to keep us straight. I agree with Sarah, about the poor view of the value of women!!!
    Hang in there & hang on. Love, Aunt Maggie

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